8 Movies that COULD Have Ruined the Series
by 2whitie
Summary: Eight movie quotes, one for each book that COULD have put a complete stop to the series had they been there. No pairings, just a bit of fun and parody.


**I am still in a mourning period for the Artemis Fowl Series ending. **

**Goodbye world. **

**This is my tribute. A very bad one. This is my list of lines that came from other movies that would have put a stop to the Artemis series. So here you have it. Just for the record, this is a parody, and AUing the AU. Sooo…And well..some of the actions that everyone does is a little *lot* OOC, but that was whatever the movie character was doing. Ex: in the fourth one, Butler is the trigger happy minion. **

**8 Ways That the Artemis Fowl Series Could Have Been Ruined By Movie Quotes but Wasn't **

**Book One: Artemis Fowl-Right after Commander Root negotiates with Artemis**

**Movie it could have been ruined by: The Avengers **

Commander Root frowned at the Bio-Bomb.

"I'm not exactly sure how these work, Foaly. Would we have time to get in and out of the building once we launch it?"

Foaly shook his mane emphatically. "No time at all, Bossanova. Seven-second half life and it travels at the speed of light since it _is_ light, so you need to be out of the area before one of these babies fires."

"Do. Not. Call. Me. Bossanova. Foaly. Do you want this bio-bomb to explode in here?"

Foaly didn't get the message. "Why not? You are my boss, and I heard how that little "meeting" with Vinyaya went. Offers were saying you were a regular Cassanova. See? I just combined the name."

Root pounded his fist on the desk with frustration. The meeting to negotiate with the Mud Boy had not exactly gone well, and now he had to deal with Foaly.

Except what he pounded was not the desk.

It was a big red button with the fairy equivalent of the Post-It note attached that read DO NOT PRESS UNTIL WE ARE READY TO BLUE RINSE THE BIG CASTLE/MANOR

They both froze as they heard a hissing sound and a bio-bomb exploding in the air over a field of potatoes. Therefore draining Ireland of a few hundred potatoes.

"So that's how it works."

…

Artemis leaned back and wondered when they were going to fire that Bio-bomb. After all, that's what the plan rested on. He frowned minutely and tried to figure out what had gone wrong.

**Book Two: The Arctic Incident- In the OPS booth, right after the goblin hit squad is sent after Holly, Root, Artemis and Butler**

**Movie it could have been ruined by: VeggieTales: The Pirates who don't do anything **

Cudgeon leaned to the camera. "I will be the King of all Haven!"

He would have said more, but he was tripped head over feet by a remote control car. Cudgeon got up and fumed at Foaly's smirking face. He decided to tell him that Opal had ordered the deaths of Commander Root, Captain Holly Short, and the humans. But first...

He picked up the metal structure that was almost as ugly as his face. "What is this magic? Everything was shut off!" He spun one of the wheels.

Foaly raised the remote to command the car to drive over to the big button that would release control to the LEP.

"It's not magic. It's Radio Shack!"

**Book Three-The Eternity Code-During the Mobster meeting **

**Movie Quote it could have been ruined by-Hoodwinked **

Spiro leaned forward. "Artemis really isn't that smart, but Butler will feed anyone who touches him to rabid armadillos.

"Butler was shot."

"There is more than one Butler."

Carla fixed her earrings. "Understood. We will send our best team."

"Just out of curiosity, who is it?"

"Loafers McGuire is one."

Spiro nodded appreciatively. Nobody was a better hit-man than Loafers. He couldn't have asked for a better person.

"Whose the other one?" He asked.

Carla checked her pad. "Keith. Irish, a midget burglar, kinda smelly, but gets the job done. 

Spiro shook his head. "Either send someone else or have him change his name. Keith... darn it, have him change his name, please. That's not scary and I'm embarrassed to say it. Boris, tell him to try that. Keith, that's just stupid. OOOO Watch out for Keith!" Spiro mocked.

Carla nodded. "Sending someone different sir."

**Book Four: The Opal Deception-Right before Root and Holly go into the tunnel **

**Movie it could have been ruined by: Despicable Me **

Artemis leaned toward Butler.

"You are aware that I must be the youngest person to be the master criminal of their time?"

Butler nodded and pulled out a rocket launcher.

"I am going to pull a heist so unimaginable, that nobody will ever top it! I know it is possible with the resources available to me."

Butler fired the trigger in anticipation, frying several tourists.

"We will steal the moon!"

Opal sat watching a certain Swiss bank while Holly Short was beating her way toward the surface.

"When _is_ he going to grab the stupid painting?"

**Book Five-The Lost Colony-Right after class, when no1 is still on Hybras **

** Movie quote it could have been ruined by-Star Wars **

Abbot grabbed No1's shoulders and forced him to face him. No1 winced, partially from the fact Abbot was there to witness his failure yet again, and partially from the smell of his warping classmates.

"No1, I know why you are different."

No1's thoughts drifted toward the ever reoccurring possibility he was a warlock.

"No1….I am you father."

**Book Six: The Time Paradox-While Little Artemis and Foaly are left alone right after they come out of the Time Stream **

**Movie it could have been ruined by: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides **

Foaly and Little Artemis watched Big Artemis shove on a suit jacket before grabbing a tranquilizer gun and heading out to tread the forbidden route that the security cameras never see.

There was a beat of awkward silence, just enough time for Foaly to take a big enough breath to last for the amount of questions he wanted to ask. It took the same amount of time for Little Artemis to shove the sick feeling that everybody feels when they get in a time tunnel for the first time. He looked back and saw the time tunnel still partly open. The gesture that he threw toward the time tunnel cut off Foaly from what he was about to say.

"Did anyone see that? Because I am _**not **_doing that again."*

**Book Seven-The Atlantis Complex-When Holly tries to wake Artemis up after she shoots him for the first time. **

**Movie quote it could have been ruined by-Cars **

Artemis opened his eyes, and Holly was relieved to see that they were clear and without confusion.

"Artemis are you okay? Look, I'm sorry I shot you."

Artemis tilted his head. "Who are you?"

D'arvit.

Holly tried to quell the rising terror. "Captain Holly Short. How much do you remember?"

Artemis sat up "Ummm…"

Holly was thoroughly frightened now. Artemis did not "Ummm." He rarely even paused. She asked the million-dollar question.

"Who do you think you are?"

"Well, for a minute there I thought I was indeigo Montoya, but I remembered that is just a film character that my brothers enjoy."

Good. He could separate fantasy from reality.

"Name."

"Tow Mater. But without the "Tuh."

**Book Eight: The Last Guardian-Right before the epilogue **

**Movie it could have been ruined by: Kung Fu Panda **

Butler already had Artemis's still body on the ground and was checking for a pulse. Holly watched in horrified fascination as the fingers laid on Artemis's neck. A neck without a pulse.

Butler bowed his head and picked up the body. The already frail body held no protestations as t was picked up. Holly found her voice, small as it was.

"…Artemis...He can't. He can't be dead. He.." Holly tried to reassure herself, tried to reassure that this was just some hallucination from the drug Artemis had given her. Her protests fell upon deaf ears. At least she thought so.

Suddenly Artemis's eyes flew open. He was angry and frustrated. "Will you _please _cease the incessant babbling. I am most certainly not dead! I am just..at peace."

Butler looked confused. "What is this peace you speak of?"

**FAIL**

*Don't mess up the time paradox Artemis. I mean it.


End file.
